In a world that can feel like a confusing cosmic gauntlet of challenges, it truly is amazing that anybody these days has the time, energy and perhaps even desire to actually fall in love. But on the off chance that you do happen to meet “The One”, here are a few inspiring tips to make it last:
Acceptance.
Firstly, never go into a relationship intending to change the person. You either love them for who they are or you don’t. If you try to change someone, they will end up resenting you for it.
Adaptability.
Bringing a partner into one’s life does often mean adjustments to one’s reality. It is important to be adaptable and to go with the flow. Nobody wants to be in a controlling relationship, as it becomes too stressful for those who have to conform, and it also becomes too stressful for those who are trying to exert control over any given situation. A little tip: Controllers are manipulators. Stay Clear.
Looks can be deceiving.
Although looks are usually what may first attract one person to another, just remember, with all the cosmetology, plastic surgery, implants, fake tan, fake eye colour lenses, hair, lash and nail extensions, most of what you see can be faked. The key is to work out how faked said person is, and how that translates to their personality. What you see is often, not what you get.
Upfront contract.
From the get go, establish the parameters of the relationship. Is it an exclusive, or do you prefer an open relationship? Both partners must be clear and upfront in terms of what they want from each other to avoid unnecessary disappointments, loss of trust and heartbreak.
Mental wellness.
When you commit to a partner, you also commit to their past, their coping mechanisms and their communication style. These things will have the greatest impact on your overall mental wellness, so choose well.
Trust.
Open and honest communication is the key, where both partners learn to trust each other. Trust is the very foundation of a relationship. Often people will lie because they are afraid of a negative reaction from a partner. If you are afraid of your partner, then you don’t really have much of a relationship to begin with. Without trust there is nothing.
Forgiveness.
We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. We can either choose to hang onto grudges, anger / hatred, which in the end, only hurts oneself… or we can let it go. Learning to forgive is one of the biggest areas of growth within any relationship. In my humble experience, the relationships that last, are the relationships where couples are forgiving and accepting of each other.
Healthy boundaries.
At no point does being forgiving mean you are a pushover. It is important to establish healthy boundaries as you go along in a relationship and to respect the boundaries of a partner, if you expect your boundaries to be respected.
Triggers.
Learn to understand psychological triggers, and what upsets your partner. Understanding rather than judgement and condemnation, will show genuine desire to work on issues… and believe me, we all have issues.
Work through things.
These days far too many people give up too easily. Indeed it is often easier to walk away from than to genuinely try to work through one’s issues. Someone who walks away at the first sign of challenge, has no staying power, and is certainly not reliable when trouble is about. You want the person who sticks around when you need them most.
Love.
It is either real or it is not. The love of things, good looks, fun times, that is not real love. The love of a person’s innate being, well that is the real deal. It is not dependent on looks, wealth or opportunity. Love is enough unto its own. It is not dependent on auxiliary factors.
Mel Ve – www.melve.life
